Usually, this will work for me and help me fade off to sleep, but not last night! I kept getting up and walking around in the dark; catheterized myself to make sure my bladder was truly empty and not causing all this pain. Still no relief. Every time I would go back to bed, I was tossing and turning unable to fall asleep. So again, got up and walked around in the dark. My cat got tired of this and left to sleep in the hall. I went over and sat down beside her and tried to take comfort in petting her and listening to her purr.
Around 4:30AM I went downstairs and made myself some toast and got something to drink, went to my office and turned on the tv and sat in my comfy chair. After eating my toast I put my head back and at some point around 5:45AM I dosed off until around 8:00AM at which time the cat was demanding breakfast. So I fed her and then went back upstairs and crawled into bed and fell asleep until about 40 minutes ago!
What the heck! I guess sheer exhaustion and lack of sleep finally takes over and I was finally able to sleep. I dragged myself out of bed a little while ago because I don't want to sleep all day and then not be able to sleep tonight. But, of course, I have bad case of "medicine head hangover" and feel downright lousy.
I'm proud of myself because I didn't fall to pieces. I would have in the past but all my hard work in therapy has paid off and even though I was quite frustrated, not falling apart is a major breakthrough for me. I wish none of us had to go through these episodes, but they seem to be a part of our life with IC. Some of you have them all the time, while for others they are sporadic. I get them sporadically, but fairly often. Just not every night.
Living with IC is an everyday challenge. It's often described as a roller coaster and I think that's accurate. "Good" days; "Bad" days; and everything in between. I will give myself permission to just be a lump today and do nothing. I know a lot of IC patients don't have that luxury; they have families, work and worry about losing their jobs if they call in sick after a night of no sleeping. That's unfortunate. It's why we must work hard to continue to fight for better treatments and relief from IC.
What IS it about the night? They are the worst for some reason and when we experience sleepless nights it impacts us all that much more than dealing with our pain during the day.
Here's to a better night's sleep for us all. As Shakespeare said: