Tuesday, May 14, 2013
MY WEIGHT STRUGGLES & IC!
A few years after I was diagnosed with IC, I came to the shocking realization that I had gained A LOT of weight and something needed to be done about it! Now, I have struggled with my weight my entire life and it seems by now you'd think I'd be able to manage it. I eat healthier than I ever have but I still have my weaknesses of course. When I was healthy, I was a runner and skier and active but still struggled to keep the weight off. As with many people who struggle with their weight, I have lost and gained the same pounds so many time, it's ridiculous!
I was always picked on in Junior High & High School and told I was "fat". I was bullied about it and boys would tell me I was fat and ugly and as a result it made the whole issue even more challenging. I became very insecure and the never ending battle to be thin began.
One good thing to come out of having IC is that I started working with a psychologist over the many emotional issues that living with a chronic illness has meant in my life. But we talk about many issues. Since then, I've had a huge "Ah Ha!" moment. In looking back at pictures of myself in those younger days when I believed all those bullies who told me I was fat, I realized that, I believe, I wasn't fat at all! Was I as skinny as some of my high school friends? NO. But I was not FAT! That said, I was made to feel I was and there came a point about 12 years ago where I made it a reality and did get fat!
After my first InterStim surgery, I got motivated and, slowly, doing what I know how to do all on my own, I spent the next 12 months losing 50 pounds! I didn't set unrealistic goals for myself. I'm middle aged and post-menopausal now, so I knew getting even thinner was unrealistic. Would I like to still weigh 20 pounds less? You bet! But it's not me; my body doesn't cooperate and it isn't worth the struggle to get to and maintain this skinny weight. So I asked my doctors and they all felt what I had achieved was more than satisfactory and I felt good about how I looked. I felt I had finally learned how to do it all on my own (no Weight Watchers, Jenny Craig or fad diets); I just knew what to eat. I still do.
I've kept the weight off all these years through dedication and hard work. That is until IC became such a challenge that I ended up on Disability. It was as though the moment I stopped working, my body decided to betray me in yet another way as well, which was to rebel and just start adding pounds back on almost immediately. Before I knew it, I had gained 15 pounds and I was as mad as all get out!
I spent 9 months working so hard to lose those 15 pounds but by last August I had done it! I was back at my "fighting" weight and was so pleased that I had accomplished this through a VERY DIFFICULT stretch with my IC. I had done it.
Well, my IC got even worse and as seems to be my lot in life, once again, as my IC was giving me fits, so was my weight! I am back up about 10 pounds and once again have to struggle and battle to get these pounds off. It takes so much longer than it ever did and it was NEVER easy. My metabolism is slow, even when I was training in my healthy days to run Half Marathons and a Marathon. Didn't matter; it never helped a lot with my weight loss efforts. But I did it anyway knowing it couldn't hurt and that it was good for me and, what the heck, I was proud of my running accomplishments.
And now, with my IC it's even harder to exercise, as most of us understand. But today, once again, I am going to TRY to re-dedicate myself to getting those nasty 10 pounds off. I went for my little walk today (see post below for Map & Walk Info), as it is a beautiful day and I wanted to take advantage of that! It certainly isn't a hard workout; I just can't push myself like I used to. I did it a few weeks ago and I was laid up for days after. I've learned my lesson. The battles never seem to end. If it isn't my IC, it's my fatigue or weight issues. It's always something!
So, I am doing what I can do and will focus on my diet and keep up the good fight! One day at a time. Here we go again!
The Good Old Days
Me after finishing the Chicago Marathon