Wednesday, September 18, 2013


I think we all struggle with the ability to do things we used to do without even thinking about it. Exercise is one of those things. It used to be something that I could do without ever thinking about it. Was I feeling well enough? Would it send my pain through the roof? Those weren't questions I had to ask myself before IC.

I am constantly struggling with my inner voice and my physical body when it comes to exercise. It's like that old routine you'd see with the angel on one shoulder and the devil on the other. My inner voice is the devil; always telling me I have an excuse not to even try to exercise. The devil wins more than he should! The angel on my other shoulder is encouraging me to try; just do the best you can. Go on my "good" days and don't feel like I have to conquer the world. Just get up and move!

Today the angel won! I asked my Mom if she was going to our fitness center to ride the stationary bicycle and she said she was, so that encouraged me to go along. I put on my workout clothes, got my water bottle and iPhone and headphones to listen to my music and off we went. It's not like it's far. We can actually see the building from our kitchen so it's pretty bad when you talk yourself out of going when it's that close! 

The great thing about our little fitness center is that it's quiet, there's a nice bathroom I can use if I have to and I can generally get one of the three treadmills with no problem. Much nicer than a huge gym; at least for me.

I need to listen to the angel on my shoulder more often. I have been battling this for a while now but making improvements steadily. I need to do the same thing with my diet. I have put on weight this year - weight that I worked so hard last year to lose. But can't seem to string together enough days where I stick to my plan for it to do any good.

Each of us has our own struggles. Having a chronic illness and pain is a drag. And finding the motivation to do things that are good for me (for us), but that are real challenges is just that - a real challenge. It's way too easy to not do what I know I should, so I have to work harder at listening to that "angel" on the one shoulder and just do better. I don't have to be perfect; I just have to do BETTER. 

This is something I will continue to work on. I know I need to cut myself some slack but not too much slack. Sometimes we need to push ourselves out of our comfort zone and that's hard for me. If I have a bad day, that's when I find myself sliding off the rails. So I need to take my own advice and put my coping skills into practice on those days and not let myself off the hook to do whatever I want.

Today I did something! I walked on the treadmill for 31 minutes. It's never easy, but I did fine and I am glad that I did it. I'll take it. One day at a time, one step at a time. Now if I can get through today and stick to my diet that will be another plus.

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