Sunday, January 5, 2014

THIS IS REALLY HARD, BUT I'M TRYING!

As everyone with IC knows, learning to live with it and the other associated conditions that most of us have that come along with it is no fun and it's hard. Finding the right treatments, getting educated, finding a knowledgeable doctor, working the diet - it's hard. But we press on, doing all we can to manage our health to the best of our abilities in concert with our medical team(s) and all the knowledge we work hard to gain on our own. All this, for me, was enough to put me out on Disability and limit and change my life forever as I am sure many can relate to. I thought that was hard. 

Then two months ago, much to my shock and dismay, things got worse as those who follow my Blog know. I was hit with what has turned out to be, as far as we can determine, Obstructive Lung Disease/Adult Onset Asthma. I got hit so suddenly and so hard by this, the Pulmonologist was literally scratching his head a few times at how bad off I was and how poorly I've been responding to the treatment plan. This has literally been a game changer and taken a toll that I would not have thought possible! 

Things actually began to go backwards in the past week or so and I was deteriorating back to the level that sent me to the hospital to begin with. I was supposed to see the Pulmonologist on this past Thursday and desperately needed to do so. Then we got hit with a huge blizzard and the doctor's office closed and I was unable to see him. I was on the phone with the office staff, in tears, telling them how desperate I was to see him and how bad things had gotten. They didn't hesitate. They said they would have the doctor call me and within less than an hour, he did. We talked and he made some changes to the treatment plan to try until I can see him in a few weeks. In addition, at the suggestion of both him and my Primary Care, I have an appointment scheduled for this week to see an Allergist. So we are doing what we can to try to find some answers and make some improvements to my condition. 

This is really hard. It has taken a toll on me in so many ways. I will admit to more than a few meltdowns since this all began. Luckily for me, I have an appointment with my psychologist in a few days and that's a good thing. I just hope I can talk and that my shortness of breath doesn't make it an exercise in futility. The more I talk, the worse the shortness of breath gets and that sets off the coughing spasms and everything goes rapidly downhill from there. 

This has been hard. But I am really trying to cope. I'm not doing as well as I would like. But I am trying. I want to think positively and know that we will find answers. But with this on top of my IC and everything else is really making it a bigger challenge than I've ever faced. I would not have thought that possible. With all I have been through with my IC, having to sell my home and move in with my parents, go on Disability and lose my independence - that was all extremely hard. I have been in therapy for 6 years learning to cope with how to live with chronic disease. Now I have to learn how to deal with even more. 

It's hard. But I am trying. It's up and down and harder than anything I've had to deal with. But I am trying. I am so blessed with a wonderful family that loves and supports me and they have rallied around me through all this. I do not take it for granted and I could not do any of this without each an every one of them. 

So on this Sunday that I usually devote to an Inspirational Quote for the day, as a way to help me, as well as my readers, try to seek a positive place, I will still include an Inspirational Quote that I found that speaks to me. This is definitely hard, but I AM TRYING. I will keep trying.

“Armed with my positive attitude and inherent stubborn nature, I keep my mind focused and my life moving forward. I stop to rest, pout and even cry sometimes, but always, I get back up. Life is giving me this challenge and I will plow through it, out of breath with my heart racing if I have to.” 

"Angel" - Sarah McLachlan




2 comments:

  1. Hello Catherine, i can imagine what you been thru past few weeks. Life can be so unpredictable. I myself had huge surgery 3 weeks ago, 9 days in the hospital lost my only left ovary had a tumor & a cyst 6.3 some how broke my ovary in pieces and was punching into my bladder. Heart rate started to go up. While going through it all i thought to myself, Lord i do not understand why from a heparin treatment Dr. office, i ended up in O.R. and so sick. But I felt the holy Spirit been there for me since my family couldn't make it to hospital because the storm, i was scared and confused. All i can tell you is have faith take one moment at a time. Some times there are no answers for what we go thru in life and it can take our strength away. God is by your side. "I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world." I pray you get better soon. You are not alone. xxoo and Happy New Year!!!

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    1. I hope you are on the road to recovery yourself. Thank you for your well wishes.

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